Last night I finished reading the book “Cultural Misunderstandings: The French-American Experience”, a book by a French anthropologist who is married to an American herself and has done interviews with many French and Americans about their cross-cultural woes. The gist of the book is that the key to communicating cross-culturally is to understand both your own culture and that of the other person’s therefore much of the misunderstanding between French and Americans is found on an unspoken cultural level.
Several varieties of ways that miscommunication occurs were mentioned and it was interesting to note that while some of the values mentioned are similar in both cultures, the way those values are expressed or affirmed are radically different. We equally value friendship, of example, but what is expected and how friendship is structured have little resemblance between the cultures, making, on the surface, Americans look superficial and the French look stifling. Upon taking a closer look though, it’s easier to see the whys and hows into these stereotypes and that both are incorrect. The chapter on communication is especially telling (no pun intended… maybe). The author states “French conversation is loaded with meaning, especially in that it affirms and reveals the nature of the ties between the conversers.” This explains part of why it’s so important to have good conversational manners in France (but within their definition of it of course). But compare this to an observation about American culture: “For an American… it is the space between oneself and the other that reveals the nature of their relationship.” This is a great explanation for all of our back pats, handshakes, and the progression in relationships from a nod to a bear hug. Elsewhere the author states that a French conversation is more of an active thing to keep alive but Americans converse to exchange information, which is why we take turns speaking and listening but the French seem to be interrupting one another and constantly changing the conversation itself. In this case, both cultures can confuse and irritate the other without quite understanding why.